Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
