Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
