what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
