When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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