my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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