can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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