two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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