i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
