nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we made out on top of his cat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner