I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..