god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days