you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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