He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius