i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Of course I have a pirate flag
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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