:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
