I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
