A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
