Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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