you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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