What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
