my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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