i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
