Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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