im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
