3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
