who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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