dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
