And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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