I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
