Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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