Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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