I puked a lego.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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