Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
