She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
