me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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