I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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