the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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