So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
