the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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