My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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