so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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