Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
