We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
