Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
