i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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