He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
