im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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