We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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