He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
