How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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