the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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