why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
