Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
