I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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