Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
