This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
