i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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