....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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