You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
