I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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