sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
