it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
