my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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