I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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