Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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