I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
