i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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