i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
