I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
