You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
