Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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