Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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